Silence (Poetry with the Voice)

Every Man

Love Me No More (A Reading)

The Enigmatic Monster Project

Lost Episode: IMPcast Episode 30 “The Blurst Of Times”

Note: This is a lost episode, meaning it was buried in the Drafts folder for around 4 months. I have no idea what it’s about. Theo, forgive me for what I am about to do (or don’t, I don’t care)! –P. L. Cobb

Another sizzling, tantalizing episode of the IMPcast, hot off the grill and, simultaneously, also slightly old. The two hosts with the most take about a multitude of topics, like Jake’s mail adventure, Jon’s new full-time job, their shared love of the SBFP Zaibatsu’s Until Dawn play-though and more.

Listen, learn and love their inane rantings! Have a sad/amazing dance party to their tales of daring do (nothing at all they’re both kind of boring).

Download Episode 30, “The Blurst of Times” here.

And please, remember to keep it monstrous, everybody!

Creeps Are Boring

A short look back at episode 3 in poem form, and then an uninteresting recollection about creeps. Creeps are pretty lame. Perhaps something more juicy the next time?

In other news, P. L. Cobb has returned. Theo’s right hand woman is on a mission to rule the world. For charitable purposes (of course)!

IMPCast Episode 29 “Blackened Liver (feat. DJ Byrdchirpz)”

Jake and Jon are back with another thrilling episode of the podcast! Renamed the IMPCast, where they discuss a multitude of subject including Jake’s new apartment, Jon’s new temp job and the fact that Jon really though Johnny Depp was in Django Unchained when it was Leonardo Dicaprio (he was confused by their twin terrible moustaches). So give it a listen and enjoy the ramblings of your two favourite co-hosts.

Download link here Impcastep29_edited.mp3

Keep it monstrous, everybody!

Theo’s Minions #2: Blessed by the Metal Fairy

Guys, things, are starting to get weird. And that might be a good thing.

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Episode 28 “We Won’t Talk About It”

After a very long delay, the two hosts with the most are back. Jake and Jon discuss Jake’s moving out, Jon talks about his jaunt into IT support work, neither of them are making any money, the utter joy/frustration of a Quan Chi mirror match and talk about some movies (Jurassic World, Supremacy and more). They also dance around a topic that shall never be talked about. Really, Jon just laughs at it.

As mentioned by Jon, here is the Nostalgia Critic’s hilarious review of Jurassic World.

And here’s the download link for the episode. Enjoy and remember to keep it monstrous, everybody.

Episode 28 “We Won’t Talk About It”

Ashkenaz, the ever living flame, and jerk

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

The Sun Will Cut You

The two hosts with the most are back with episode 25 of the Enigmatic Monster Project Podcast. Appropriately titled “The Sun Will Cut You” for reasons only to be understood should you download and listen. Jake and Jon discuss their lives, what EMP has been up to, movie plots, Jake’s destroying of his relative’s septic tank ( which is 100% his fault) and more.

Download Episode 25

Links:

Enigmatic Monster Tumblr

Zelda Moon

V/H/S, V/H/S 2, V/H/S: Viral 

Angry Sun

Golden Axe music

Snake Pit split with My Stupid Life by Mitch Clem and Ben Snakepit

– Keep it monstrous, everybody!

UNDERSELLING THE MURDER HOUSE

Theo_icon

UNDERSELLING THE MURDER HOUSE (EMPODCAST  #24)

Your favourite do-nothing co-hosts are back at the behest of Theo in the latest episode of The EMP Podcast. Jake and Jon talk about the dangers of renting a certain apartment, crap jobs, money and relationships among many other topics for your probable enjoyment.

This time, due to the fantastic(ally terrible) editing skills of co-host Jon,
the classic theme song “Demon Tied to A Chair in My Brain” by Dax Riggs is back!
Unfortunately, still no video editing software, so no Youtube video. Which is bad.
But there’s a tantalizing .zip file with the MP3 of the episode in it on MediaFire just waiting to be downloaded. Which is good! Now download it and maybe the mild Simpsons references will stop* ruining these posts.

Episode 24: Underselling The Murder House

Enjoy and keep it monstrous, everybody.

*they will/can never stop

Theo_icon

EMP PODCAST 4 in 1 Special

They said it couldn’t be done. That it wouldn’t or that it shouldn’t. But we’ve done it anyway. The EMP Podcast is back! All previous episodes are recorded and ready for download in these convenient .zip files loaded with MP3 goodness!  So enjoy these episodes and laugh as we mention in each one how long its been since our last episode!

Episode 19 “Live On Location 2: The Sequel”

Episode 20 “Mapping Mars”

Episode 21 “Why, Hello Billy”

Episode 22 “Wiggly Waggily Lines”

Episode 23 “The Handoff”

Now, our loveable hosts Jake and Jon regret to inform you that due to technical and time restraints, these episodes are rushed. Some don’t have the incredible, amazing intro/outro music (“Demon Tied To A Chair In My Brain” by Dax Riggs) and volume levels can be a bit high (very few and far between) and they apologize for these problems.
Software failures and work-related last-minute schedule changes forced our hands.
It was this or they never go up. Once again, our apologies, especially to those who follow our youtube account Theo Monster and were expecting the podcast up in video form.
As stated earlier, technical problems were abound. We also apologize for the lateness of these episodes, our long absence should end now that Jake will be recording and Jon will be editing.

Enjoy the episodes and keep it monstrous, everybody!

About the Silence

About the Silence

Episode 4 of the Voice, in which the voice talks about the silence, and its related benefits depending on your living situation. Hmmm, how thoughtful? We fear the voice is beginning to make too much sense, however . . .

coopid

The Anatomy of the Absence of Light

The Anatomy of the Absence of Light

Episode 3 of The Voice.

(In which things continue to make sense.)

Background noise, and the sound of the Voice (me, myself, and the silence) here to tell you about the anatomy of the absence of light (also known as darkness, evening, midnight, etcetera–take your pick).

Make no mistake, this is not what you would like to think.

Of course, we could be wrong, right?

ashkenaz

The Anatomy of Darkness

The Anatomy of Darkness

The Voice, Episode 2. Or, why you shouldn’t be afraid of the dark, but maybe the things hiding in the cover of darkness.

And scripts.

Theo_icon

Live on Location

Live on Location

Where the Jake and Jon human interact with other humans. Intriguing . . . Hmmmmm, yes . . .

(Why the title? I assume it’s because I did not actually eat them, so they’re technically still alive. –Theo Monster)

Oops, We Did it Again!

Oops, We Did it Again!

Yes, we didn’t put up a post in time. Jake and Jon were working on the latest podcast, but somewhere along the way they were swallowed whole by Theo (he tends to do that). So, the uneaten half of Team Monster would like to apologize, and attempt at placating you with this picture.

Sleep well tonight, the Red Raven shall watch over you.

 

Air Quotes Strategy

Air Quotes Strategy

Episode #17. Theo is out to lunch — feasting on the dreams of mortals — so this is Jake filling in to keep you posted with the latest from your Enigmatic Monster team.

Exasperated Sigh

Exasperated Sigh

EMPodcast episode 16. Theo Monster is not impressed. But is he ever? The Jake human gets in trouble, birds sing, the sun shines . . . And all of those nice things . . . 

Kaiju Roars & Reality Sores

Kaiju Roars & Reality Sores

EMPodcast episode 15. Thanks for the wait! Theo Monster loves you! Blah, blah, blah . . .

And Now for Some Old News

And Now for Some Old News

In which the Penny human shares some old news with everyone. We’d like to add that we’ll be contributing posters designs to the new website we’re collaborating with; all we’ll say for now is that this mystery site launches on Canada Day.

Buy Safe BBQs!

Buy Safe BBQs!

Enigmatic Podcast #14. In where the Jake and Jon humans natter away like so many worms  . . .

. . . Sorry for the delay; I forced them to have a death match with someone else . . . Fortunately no one was hurt.

–Theo Monster

Podcast #13: Homeward Bound

Podcast #13: Homeward Bound

Goodbye Me

Goodbye Me

Enigmatic Podcast number 12, a la Theo Monster; the Jon human has had some issues with his computer (silly human machines), so the the monster itself has come to grace all of you mere mortals with a temporary (meaning eternal) domination of your wills.

Theo Monster would also like to inform his followers of his recent metamorphosis: he has traded in five of his heads for all-seeing tentacles. Free hugs (for all) . . .