Today is the Day

That we clean up the site! Don’t worry, this isn’t a bad thing–it just means we’re doing some early spring cleaning. In a nutshell we’re trying to improve your experience at EMP.

You may have noticed that the regular posting has been off schedule since Thursday. I recently started my new job this Wednesday as a junior user interface specialist. I’m working to rectify that.

In the mean time, have a happy Monstertine!

(Wheeeeeeeeee!)

Theo_icon

Enigmatic Updates, 2015 Style

Enigmatic Updates, 2015 Style

Here are the updates, and here is Penny’s face. Now you cannot deny her existence. I am so evil . . .

–Theo

For the tumblr: lovetheomonster.tumblr.com

Theo_icon

Friday Stuff

Theo_icon–The Monster Made Me Do It

This week has been very busy for me, I set up some new goals, made some new things, and also got a new job. The job is a part-time design job, which means that I’ll still be able to do work on the project. The first goal I set up is to grow The Enigmatic Monster Project; the second is to grow our youtube channel.

So, with that in mind, you can expect some more things this year (like the ABCs of Horror!). Today you can expect an update video to pop up on our site. It’ll talk more in-depth about what’s going on, and some of the changes.

Right now, as I write this, I’m actually getting ready to see my new employers. Yay! But, before I do, I’d like to thank you all for your love and likes! You are the reason I’ve kept up this endeavour!

Cheers!

–Penny

ashkenaz

A Project Within a Project!

Newsbanner

A Project Within a Project!

Yes, that’s right! We’re starting a new project this year! We’re going to be doing our own take on the ABCs of Horror, which will come out on Halloween (and it will be available for download as a PDF).

On another note, we’ll be revamping our brand image this year as well. At this moment I can’t tell you when the new look will be coming out, but it will be awesome!

Have a nice day!

coopid

A Most Humble Apology

Ashkenaz is an A$#h@!3, and Theo would like to apologize for his misbehaviour.

A Most Humble Apology

That is correct. Ashkenaz is a trial at the best of times. Clever he can be, but insufferable he can be tenfold. Don’t pay any mind to him.

It is true that the minions are busy with their lives. I assure you that they are still working hard to keep me from devouring your world. They do a very good job at it. It is also true that they work and read. It could be worse. At least they’re not spectral gas-beings.

Also, I would like to apologize for any name calling. He thinks he knows everything. Dump a bucket of water on him if you ever see him, and then we shall see what he knows.

Another point of interest: Ashkenaz made mention of a Coopid. In fact, he’s popped up several times in the past. This messenger does not exist. And it did not fall off of my backside.

That’s just too poetic for me to even stomach.

Yours truly,

Theo Monster

P.S: Anything that is slightly arcane, I would appreciate that you promptly forget it.

P.P.S: To the man wearing the purple sweater: well done!

Theo_icon

Oh My, Life is Being Intrusive

A message from Ashkenaz, the Living Flame:

Oh My, Life is Being Intrusive

It’s come to my attention that our minions have not posted to the blog for around four days. On behalf of the management, I would like to apologize. Apparently these worms have lives–ridiculous, I know, but they insist that it is the truth. Penny claims to be reading, and working; Jon is working, and reading; Jake is reading, and working; Rhonda and Dave are working, and reading; even Brad is busy. I suppose he’s working and reading too.

I must say, you creatures are boring. However, the fact that you are boring is what makes you so interesting–you all know that you’re very boring, and yet don’t at the same time. It’s like you’re all idiot geniuses (if you don’t mind me saying).

Ah well, lucky for us that you’re a boring species, I suppose.

I was speaking to the Messenger, Coopid, the other day. He had little to say of course. Or she had little to say. Even I, Ashkenaz the Wizard, have no idea what gender Coopid is. It will likely mean nothing in the aeons to come. I’m pretty sure Coopid is just a parasite that fell from Cthu–er–Theo’s backside.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the least bit true.

Well, it’s been really mundane talking with you finite beings. Have a nice night? And enjoy your pumpkins I suppose.

ashkenaz

What New Horrors Should We Birth?

What New Horrors Should We Birth?

The Triad of Terror is now complete. Now, dear viewer: what next? What new project should we give birth to? Remember: with Team Monster, anything goes!

(Perhaps Theo needs some friends?)

Theo_icon

3rd Issue Sneak Peak, Amongst Other Things

Newsbanner

3rd Issue Sneak Peak, Amongst Other Things

Screen Shot 2014-07-21 at 10.14.11 AM

We could pretend that it’s actually a sneak peek, and not just a reveal of the cover . . .

October 1st is fast approaching, and something wicked this way comes . . . the 3rd issue of The Enigmatic Monster is taking on a new look, something nitty, gritty, and decidedly graffiti! We’ve also made some slight size adjustments to the .pdf document to optimize viewing. Our Wordsmith is looking over our stories, wondering how we stay sane, at this very moment.

For those of you who passionately detest .pdf documents, do not worry, the entire issue will be available online for your viewing pleasure!

Some new developments have come around the corner as well. Team Monster is planning on doing another live reading! This time on a boat, in the middle of the night. We may possibly be pandering trinkets too (tiny little Theos to love and to hug, but never to feed–heaven forbid). Not in the SSM area? Never fear, we’ll be doing a recording as well.

Keep it monstrous!

Theo_icon

 

This Week on EMP

Newsbanner

This Week on EMP

As you all know, yesterday was Labour Day! And many of you would have gone to work that day, myself included. We were going to conclude The Red Raven yesterday, but with the amount of work this past week (and yesterday), that dream never came to fruition. So, we’re going to take a break from that story; tomorrow our normal post schedule will resume with Horror Quote Hump Day

In other news, the third issue of The Enigmatic Monster will be coming out October 1st. And we’re still alive and partially sane. Which is important, in case you were wondering.

Have an awesome rest of the week! Keep it monstrous!

Theo_icon

 

Live on Location

Live on Location

Where the Jake and Jon human interact with other humans. Intriguing . . . Hmmmmm, yes . . .

(Why the title? I assume it’s because I did not actually eat them, so they’re technically still alive. –Theo Monster)

Now On Bloglovin

Newsbanner

Now On Bloglovin

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Yep. It’s true! Wish Team Monster luck!

Theo_icon

 

Oops, We Did it Again!

Oops, We Did it Again!

Yes, we didn’t put up a post in time. Jake and Jon were working on the latest podcast, but somewhere along the way they were swallowed whole by Theo (he tends to do that). So, the uneaten half of Team Monster would like to apologize, and attempt at placating you with this picture.

Sleep well tonight, the Red Raven shall watch over you.

 

Air Quotes Strategy

Air Quotes Strategy

Episode #17. Theo is out to lunch — feasting on the dreams of mortals — so this is Jake filling in to keep you posted with the latest from your Enigmatic Monster team.

Exasperated Sigh

Exasperated Sigh

EMPodcast episode 16. Theo Monster is not impressed. But is he ever? The Jake human gets in trouble, birds sing, the sun shines . . . And all of those nice things . . . 

Kaiju Roars & Reality Sores

Kaiju Roars & Reality Sores

EMPodcast episode 15. Thanks for the wait! Theo Monster loves you! Blah, blah, blah . . .

A Minor Hiccup

A Minor Hiccup

Normally we have a post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. However we have been experiencing some minor hiccups brought on by our normal day jobs, broken computers, etcetera . . . According to the Jake human, we have two podcasts that are ready to go, they just need to be uploaded. We were hoping to get a podcast out by today at the latest. So far that has not been possible, so we would like to apologize to our fans, and supporters.

Rest assured, our normal shenanigans shall resume this coming Monday, for all to witness . . . The inane babble of so many worms will go on!

If your looking to challenge yourself, head over to this lovely post by our Wordmaster*: RJ Davies Mornix.

A Good Start, by RJ Davies Mornix.

-Penny C, as dictated by Theo Monster

*AKA editor

And Now for Some Old News

And Now for Some Old News

In which the Penny human shares some old news with everyone. We’d like to add that we’ll be contributing posters designs to the new website we’re collaborating with; all we’ll say for now is that this mystery site launches on Canada Day.

Buy Safe BBQs!

Buy Safe BBQs!

Enigmatic Podcast #14. In where the Jake and Jon humans natter away like so many worms  . . .

. . . Sorry for the delay; I forced them to have a death match with someone else . . . Fortunately no one was hurt.

–Theo Monster

Selling Blood For Scratch Box 20 Tickets

Selling Blood For Scratch Box 20 Tickets

EMP Podcast #9