Monday Night With Theo

There is a rather daunting lack of interest in my life. 

Monday Night With Theo

Just kidding, I’m a monster. What’s there to know?

No, instead I am here to address a very serious issue: closets.

They are not inter-dimensional portals. Stop cramming your junk into them because I am not going to take it anymore. Coopid is not going to take it either, and that’s not just because he doesn’t exist.

Someone told me a story about how four mortal children walked into a wardrobe, and ended up in another world altogether. That is just a story.

Narnia is not real.

Neither is Middle Earth (which has little to do with closets).

For your own safety, barricade your closet from the outside. Do it. Do it now. And don’t ask any questions.

And for the love of spaghetti, stop hiding your old shoes in there. They stink to the high heavens.

With love,

Theo Monster

Note: We would like it to be known that the views and opinions expressed by our overlord are not necessarily our own. We’ll probably be devoured for speaking this truth.

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And Now for Some Old News

And Now for Some Old News

In which the Penny human shares some old news with everyone. We’d like to add that we’ll be contributing posters designs to the new website we’re collaborating with; all we’ll say for now is that this mystery site launches on Canada Day.

Buy Safe BBQs!

Buy Safe BBQs!

Enigmatic Podcast #14. In where the Jake and Jon humans natter away like so many worms  . . .

. . . Sorry for the delay; I forced them to have a death match with someone else . . . Fortunately no one was hurt.

–Theo Monster

Existence Without Consent . . .

Existence Without Consent . . .

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Whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent.

–Cormac McCarthy

We tend to say that a lot, but we’re only human. I wonder how many species have gone extinct because of that train of thought?

On the other hand, Cthulu! 

And that’s about all there is to say on the matter.