Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle

Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle

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Vampires, real vampires, didn’t nibble on the necks of nubile young virgins. They tore people to pieces and sucked the blood out of the chunks.

― David Wellington

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The Red Raven, Part I

The Red Raven, Part I

Sylvan Spider God

Like a wheel, spinning, spinning, spinning–a maddening rhythm that increases in speed–the god-creature spins and spins away, all eight of its hands a silver shimmer in the air.

Like a nightmare-creature, it sits in its golden chair. A chair made from gilded bones, which the spider god looks at fondly from time to time. The creature in question is itself a mystery: why does it spin, and who does it spin for? It is both a horror and a delight to behold; gold and silver, with black bands on all eight of it’s arms, hands, and fingers, which–in just the right light–are translucent, revealing an intricate network of veins, muscles, and sinew . . . All of which sparkle, due to the star stuff from which the god-creature was made. Continue reading

A Minor Hiccup

A Minor Hiccup

Normally we have a post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. However we have been experiencing some minor hiccups brought on by our normal day jobs, broken computers, etcetera . . . According to the Jake human, we have two podcasts that are ready to go, they just need to be uploaded. We were hoping to get a podcast out by today at the latest. So far that has not been possible, so we would like to apologize to our fans, and supporters.

Rest assured, our normal shenanigans shall resume this coming Monday, for all to witness . . . The inane babble of so many worms will go on!

If your looking to challenge yourself, head over to this lovely post by our Wordmaster*: RJ Davies Mornix.

A Good Start, by RJ Davies Mornix.

-Penny C, as dictated by Theo Monster

*AKA editor

For the Love of Trees

For the Love of Trees

The Man Whom the Trees Loved is another short, supernatural horror story from Algernon Blackwood. You can download it for free from Project Gutenberg, or buy it on Amazon for cheap (in mega-pack form).

By the way, we love Algernon Blackwood. Blackwood good. Delicious, even . . .

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EM Podcast Episode 3: Third Time’s the Harm

Back with another glorious episode in tow, you hosts with the most Jake and (more importantly because he writes the descriptions and is just so great) Jon wax poetic on all manner of subjects this week. Including (but not limited to):

– the launch of Volume 1 of Enigmatic Monster in free PDF form
– video games (including Pokemon cruelty, the new consoles and Max Payne 3 shenanigans)
– the positives of using spooky masks in cover designs
– how Enigmatic Monster will be continuing from the release of the PDF of Vol. 1
– The Witch Dream that Jon had a while ago that they may have already mentioned
– why you shouldn’t mispronounce UFC fighter’s names on purpose (hint: it has to do with angering friends and physical violence)

Also included in the episode are Jacob’s terrible joke, nervous laughter and much, much more!

Please follow us on Twitter at @monstrousenigma and on Facebook!

So again, please enjoy and remember:

Keep it monstrous!

The Show Must Go On

That is correct, the show MUST go on! Four months is far too short a time for an undertaking such as this one; all of the work we did would just seem a waste if only a few people had a chance to see it.

Not only that, but we had so much fun making our 1st issue that we want to give you more! So here is our offer to you: you can give us inspiration for stories to write or you can send in something to Team Monster. Also, if there’s anything you believe will help make The Enigmatic Monster Project even better, we’re all up for hearing it! 

Once again, thank you for all the likes, shares, and follows! Team Monster wouldn’t be here without all of you! Spread the word and help us with our monstrous undertaking!

LogoThis message has been brought to you by Team Monster! Keep it monstrous!
If you like what we’re doing, don’t forget to love the monster on Facebook.
If you haven’t had the chance to check out our 1st issue, Team Monster would like to share it with you now.

Peril In Panels: Hellboy

Greetings, o kind reader. This is Jonathan Kruschack, co-host of the Enigmatic Monster Project Podcast and this is Peril In Panels, the hip, new column all about monsters in comics. Which I’m using as a soapbox from which to blather on and on about comics because why else would I do anything, right? And I’m going to be talking about monsters in any way, shape or form that they’ve appeared in comics. From cosmic entities that pierce reality to slug people who thirst for flesh (while fearing salt) to crazy, unstoppable axe-murderers baying for your blood. If it’s monstrous and appeared inside of a panel in a funny book, I’ll be sure to be all up in its grill. By which I mean I’ll discuss it as intelligently as possible.

Oh, and I may have to periodically give out some spoilers which I will clearly indicate beforehand and I’ll try not to reference once mentioned. Because I’m such a great guy. Forgive me if mistakes occur, in an effort to make get this article out as fast as possible I’m editing it myself and I am in no way qualified to do that.
I’m unsure how long I’ll be doing this so I figured I better start off strong.
So our first subject is the world savin’, Right Hand of Doom havin’, paranormal investigatin’ Hellboy.

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The Two Faces of Paranoia

A plot twist. An undefined terror which defines my own terror, my own deep-rooted fear. That I am not alone in this is a slight relief. That I don’t know what to do with that is not.

A relief which relieves nothing? How ironic!

I’m so tense, I could almost destroy myself. Where do I go from here? What do I with that? One can only reassure themselves so much. Sooner or later, the horrors of my mind will be released. They demand it.

That my fear is based off of something so inconsequential is no surprise—some of our worst fears have their basis in nothing. Some would laugh. Others would be delighted to hear such an odd thought.

Is this paranoia? Yes, but then maybe not. I could go on explaining what this fear is, what it is and isn’t, and everything else in-between.

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Lair of the White Worm

Lair of the White Worm

“Seeing where the head of the monster was, the two men ventured a little further forward, and saw that the hidden mass at the base of the shaft was composed of vast coils of the great serpent’s body, forming a base from which the upright mass rose. As they looked, this lower mass moved, the glistening folds catching the moonlight, and they could see that the monster’s progress was along the ground. It was coming towards them at a swift pace, so they turned and ran, taking care to make as little noise as possible, either by their footfalls or by disturbing the undergrowth close to them. They did not stop or pause till they saw before them the high dark tower of Doom.”

-Excerpt from Lair of the White Worm, by Bram Stoker

The Willows gradually lead in to Lair of the White Worm, a lush, sprawling narrative. It took me places I never expected . . .

Okay, I’ll spare you the purple prose.

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Slenderman.

A perfect example of a perfectly made up monster.

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The Monstrosity Commences

enigma |iˈnigmə|

noun ( pl. enigmas )

a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

What is The Enigmatic Monster? Continue reading