Good Morning World

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Good Morning World

What happened? Daylight savings!

Now we all have to go to bed earlier to avoid the creatures of the night. And sleep for one less hour. And wake up earlier . . . There will still be snow till April or May.

So, in the end, this means nothing.

With love,

Theo Monster

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Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

ABC’s Of Horror Preview

Theo demands we show you a project we’ve been working on, so show you we shall.
J. Kruschack tries his hand at alliteration for this entry.

“W”

J. Kruschack

Walk into a room where you see the weeping forms of worgs,
being worked over by weary, working-class werewolves wearing flat caps.
The walloping leaves the creatures wary of wondering into the winter night. 

Whilst this occurs, far off in a war-torn land, a veteran wakes up to work out
that he’s become a wendingo, asking “What did I do?” and “What could be worse?” Walking off into the desert, wishing to die of the hunger that will never cease.
This worries him.

Elsewhere, wading into the deep water, a worshipper waves her arms ceremoniously
as chanting wafts through the sunken cavern. Awoken, the wyvern rises, full of ancient wrath. Wreathes of flame envelope all but one, who graciously offers her flesh,
arcanely wrapped white tattoos, to the barb-tailed creature. It’s wings spread wide as it’s mouth whips open to reveal row after row of teeth. The sound of it’s wail would cause all others to spend their final moments wallowing in fear but not her.

Monday Night With Theo

There is a rather daunting lack of interest in my life. 

Monday Night With Theo

Just kidding, I’m a monster. What’s there to know?

No, instead I am here to address a very serious issue: closets.

They are not inter-dimensional portals. Stop cramming your junk into them because I am not going to take it anymore. Coopid is not going to take it either, and that’s not just because he doesn’t exist.

Someone told me a story about how four mortal children walked into a wardrobe, and ended up in another world altogether. That is just a story.

Narnia is not real.

Neither is Middle Earth (which has little to do with closets).

For your own safety, barricade your closet from the outside. Do it. Do it now. And don’t ask any questions.

And for the love of spaghetti, stop hiding your old shoes in there. They stink to the high heavens.

With love,

Theo Monster

Note: We would like it to be known that the views and opinions expressed by our overlord are not necessarily our own. We’ll probably be devoured for speaking this truth.

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