Bitterness

Silence (Poetry with the Voice)

Every Man

King in the Shadows (Reading by the Voice)

Love Me No More (A Reading)

The Enigmatic Monster Project

Lost Episode: IMPcast Episode 30 “The Blurst Of Times”

Note: This is a lost episode, meaning it was buried in the Drafts folder for around 4 months. I have no idea what it’s about. Theo, forgive me for what I am about to do (or don’t, I don’t care)! –P. L. Cobb

Another sizzling, tantalizing episode of the IMPcast, hot off the grill and, simultaneously, also slightly old. The two hosts with the most take about a multitude of topics, like Jake’s mail adventure, Jon’s new full-time job, their shared love of the SBFP Zaibatsu’s Until Dawn play-though and more.

Listen, learn and love their inane rantings! Have a sad/amazing dance party to their tales of daring do (nothing at all they’re both kind of boring).

Download Episode 30, “The Blurst of Times” here.

And please, remember to keep it monstrous, everybody!

Creeps Are Boring

A short look back at episode 3 in poem form, and then an uninteresting recollection about creeps. Creeps are pretty lame. Perhaps something more juicy the next time?

In other news, P. L. Cobb has returned. Theo’s right hand woman is on a mission to rule the world. For charitable purposes (of course)!

IMPCast Episode 29 “Blackened Liver (feat. DJ Byrdchirpz)”

Jake and Jon are back with another thrilling episode of the podcast! Renamed the IMPCast, where they discuss a multitude of subject including Jake’s new apartment, Jon’s new temp job and the fact that Jon really though Johnny Depp was in Django Unchained when it was Leonardo Dicaprio (he was confused by their twin terrible moustaches). So give it a listen and enjoy the ramblings of your two favourite co-hosts.

Download link here Impcastep29_edited.mp3

Keep it monstrous, everybody!

Anxiety is No Fun

https://soundcloud.com/theomonster/theos-minions-3-anxiety-is-no-fun

Things get very real in this post. Surprise!

Theo’s Minions #2: Blessed by the Metal Fairy

Guys, things, are starting to get weird. And that might be a good thing.

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Episode 28 “We Won’t Talk About It”

After a very long delay, the two hosts with the most are back. Jake and Jon discuss Jake’s moving out, Jon talks about his jaunt into IT support work, neither of them are making any money, the utter joy/frustration of a Quan Chi mirror match and talk about some movies (Jurassic World, Supremacy and more). They also dance around a topic that shall never be talked about. Really, Jon just laughs at it.

As mentioned by Jon, here is the Nostalgia Critic’s hilarious review of Jurassic World.

And here’s the download link for the episode. Enjoy and remember to keep it monstrous, everybody.

Episode 28 “We Won’t Talk About It”

Ashkenaz, the ever living flame, and jerk

Theo’s Minions #1

coopid

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Nepotism Is Real, Shut Up

Episode 27 of the Enigmatic Monster Project Podcast, “Nepotism Is Real, Shut Up”, is here to fill your day with the ramblings of your favourite co-hosts.

They talk about problems at work, problems obtaining work, bad ideas, good titles, Jon’s hatred of Sudbury, the lie of being overqualified for jobs and how you always bring a gift to Diaper Parties or else you look like a jerk.

Download the episode

Keep it monstrous, everybody.

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

Working For Bones

They’ve kept you waiting long enough, have another episode of the EMP Podcast!

Jake and Jon discuss their lives, their terrible jobs, movies they’ve seen, internet hatred and more! You can’t afford to miss yet another thrilling conversation between these two pals so download the latest episode right now.

Jon discussed two topics, both projects of YouTube phenomenon LittleKuriboh.

The first one, We’re Still Here, is a personal project wherein he openly discusses his constant struggle with depression. A wonderful series of videos where he first talks about something that makes him happy and then handles an aspect of depression, such as suicidal thoughts or feeling like he doesn’t matter. The series is a way for him to help not only himself, but others who deal with depression (or those would simply like an honest look into what a person with said problem goes through).

Secondly, The Mark Remark, is a comedic satire show where LittleKuriboh (aka Martin) does a funny voice, stands in front of a green screen and hilariously runs through the current WWE product, from RAW, SMACKDOWN! and even PPVs. Watch as he cuts apart terrible commentary, in-ring botches and sometimes takes a little break to go to a theme-park. No need to be a fan of pro-wrestling to enjoy it, the show is jam-packed with humour for everybody (though also occasional swearing, so watch at your own risk).

Keep it monstrous, everybody!

Our benovelent/malevolent overlord, Theo Monster

The Sun Will Cut You

The two hosts with the most are back with episode 25 of the Enigmatic Monster Project Podcast. Appropriately titled “The Sun Will Cut You” for reasons only to be understood should you download and listen. Jake and Jon discuss their lives, what EMP has been up to, movie plots, Jake’s destroying of his relative’s septic tank ( which is 100% his fault) and more.

Download Episode 25

Links:

Enigmatic Monster Tumblr

Zelda Moon

V/H/S, V/H/S 2, V/H/S: Viral 

Angry Sun

Golden Axe music

Snake Pit split with My Stupid Life by Mitch Clem and Ben Snakepit

– Keep it monstrous, everybody!

UNDERSELLING THE MURDER HOUSE

Theo_icon

UNDERSELLING THE MURDER HOUSE (EMPODCAST  #24)

Your favourite do-nothing co-hosts are back at the behest of Theo in the latest episode of The EMP Podcast. Jake and Jon talk about the dangers of renting a certain apartment, crap jobs, money and relationships among many other topics for your probable enjoyment.

This time, due to the fantastic(ally terrible) editing skills of co-host Jon,
the classic theme song “Demon Tied to A Chair in My Brain” by Dax Riggs is back!
Unfortunately, still no video editing software, so no Youtube video. Which is bad.
But there’s a tantalizing .zip file with the MP3 of the episode in it on MediaFire just waiting to be downloaded. Which is good! Now download it and maybe the mild Simpsons references will stop* ruining these posts.

Episode 24: Underselling The Murder House

Enjoy and keep it monstrous, everybody.

*they will/can never stop

Theo_icon

EMP PODCAST 4 in 1 Special

They said it couldn’t be done. That it wouldn’t or that it shouldn’t. But we’ve done it anyway. The EMP Podcast is back! All previous episodes are recorded and ready for download in these convenient .zip files loaded with MP3 goodness!  So enjoy these episodes and laugh as we mention in each one how long its been since our last episode!

Episode 19 “Live On Location 2: The Sequel”

Episode 20 “Mapping Mars”

Episode 21 “Why, Hello Billy”

Episode 22 “Wiggly Waggily Lines”

Episode 23 “The Handoff”

Now, our loveable hosts Jake and Jon regret to inform you that due to technical and time restraints, these episodes are rushed. Some don’t have the incredible, amazing intro/outro music (“Demon Tied To A Chair In My Brain” by Dax Riggs) and volume levels can be a bit high (very few and far between) and they apologize for these problems.
Software failures and work-related last-minute schedule changes forced our hands.
It was this or they never go up. Once again, our apologies, especially to those who follow our youtube account Theo Monster and were expecting the podcast up in video form.
As stated earlier, technical problems were abound. We also apologize for the lateness of these episodes, our long absence should end now that Jake will be recording and Jon will be editing.

Enjoy the episodes and keep it monstrous, everybody!

About the Silence

About the Silence

Episode 4 of the Voice, in which the voice talks about the silence, and its related benefits depending on your living situation. Hmmm, how thoughtful? We fear the voice is beginning to make too much sense, however . . .

coopid

The Anatomy of the Absence of Light

The Anatomy of the Absence of Light

Episode 3 of The Voice.

(In which things continue to make sense.)

Background noise, and the sound of the Voice (me, myself, and the silence) here to tell you about the anatomy of the absence of light (also known as darkness, evening, midnight, etcetera–take your pick).

Make no mistake, this is not what you would like to think.

Of course, we could be wrong, right?

ashkenaz

The Anatomy of Darkness

The Anatomy of Darkness

The Voice, Episode 2. Or, why you shouldn’t be afraid of the dark, but maybe the things hiding in the cover of darkness.

And scripts.

Theo_icon

Live on Location

Live on Location

Where the Jake and Jon human interact with other humans. Intriguing . . . Hmmmmm, yes . . .

(Why the title? I assume it’s because I did not actually eat them, so they’re technically still alive. –Theo Monster)

Air Quotes Strategy

Air Quotes Strategy

Episode #17. Theo is out to lunch — feasting on the dreams of mortals — so this is Jake filling in to keep you posted with the latest from your Enigmatic Monster team.

Exasperated Sigh

Exasperated Sigh

EMPodcast episode 16. Theo Monster is not impressed. But is he ever? The Jake human gets in trouble, birds sing, the sun shines . . . And all of those nice things . . .