ABCs Of Horror

This is the official reveal of our working cover:

Screen Shot 2015-05-24 at 12.45.20 PM

And that’s about all else that we can say now. Will it evolve into something else? Possibly.

The whole idea is to make something incredibly ‘grunge-o-matic’, and to make something that looks like it could be a journal multiple people have written in. We have the grunge; not sure about the journal bit.

Rest assured we’re still mostly sane. Sane enough that we’ve started talking about next years project (Sault Ste. Misery), but that’s still a vague conglomeration of muses . . . Back to the ABCs though: we’re still in the process of editing, and now we’re amassing illustrations to display in the book; Jake is working on a mythological beast for each letter of the alphabet (as a chapter cover).

For now, enjoy your Saturday!

Cheers!

ashkenaz

A Most Humble Apology

Ashkenaz is an A$#h@!3, and Theo would like to apologize for his misbehaviour.

A Most Humble Apology

That is correct. Ashkenaz is a trial at the best of times. Clever he can be, but insufferable he can be tenfold. Don’t pay any mind to him.

It is true that the minions are busy with their lives. I assure you that they are still working hard to keep me from devouring your world. They do a very good job at it. It is also true that they work and read. It could be worse. At least they’re not spectral gas-beings.

Also, I would like to apologize for any name calling. He thinks he knows everything. Dump a bucket of water on him if you ever see him, and then we shall see what he knows.

Another point of interest: Ashkenaz made mention of a Coopid. In fact, he’s popped up several times in the past. This messenger does not exist. And it did not fall off of my backside.

That’s just too poetic for me to even stomach.

Yours truly,

Theo Monster

P.S: Anything that is slightly arcane, I would appreciate that you promptly forget it.

P.P.S: To the man wearing the purple sweater: well done!

Theo_icon

I Have a Heart

quote_27

I Have a Heart

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy, then I tell them it’s in a jar on my desk.
― Robert Bloch

We seem to recall Stephen King saying the same thing. Or something of the like.

(This one came from Goodreads. Horror quotes seem to be sorely lacking.)

Theo_icon

It Only Tempts the Strong

quote_26

It Only Tempts the Strong

The charm of horror only tempts the strong.
― Jean Lorrain

And clever as it is–like a pack of wolves–it takes out the weakest links first. Why bother with the stronger members when there are only a few of them? Cull the masses, and save the best for last.

Theo_icon

All True Cosmic Horror

quote_24

All True Cosmic Horror

The basis of all true cosmic horror is violation of the order of nature, and the profoundest violations are always the least concrete and describable.
― H.P. Lovecraft, Selected Letters III: 1929-1931

Theo_icon

Which One Is It?

quote_23

Which One Is It?

Which is the true nightmare, the horrific dream that you have in your sleep or the dissatisfied reality that awaits you when you awake?
― Justin Alcala

Take your pick, fortunately there are only two options.

Theo_icon

On the First Day of October

On the First Day of October

The monster gave to me,

The Enigmatic Monster Issue 3!

EMP_issue3

(Go on, click it. Resistance is futile. <3 )

Here it is, in all of its sickly glory! The Triad of Terror is now complete. As we continue to  catch muses in the dark, we wonder what next year will bring? Hmmm . . .

For now we must play the game as we always have, and bring our nightmares to the surface world for all to see.

As always, spread us to the far corners of the world. Keep it monstrous!

P.S: If you do not want to download the PDF file, fear not! You’ll be able to read the 3rd issue online as well! Just look for The Triad of Terror in our top menu (that’s where we keep all of the goods)!

Theo_icon

The Removal of Masks

The Removal of Masks

quote_21

Horror is the removal of masks.

–Robert Bloch

What will you find beneath the mask?

(We’ll leave that one to you. For now.)

Theo_icon

I Love What Devours Them

I Love What Devours Them

quote_19

I do not love men: I love what devours them.
― André Gide

Theo_icon

Love and Rage

Love and Rage

quote_18

I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.

― Mary Shelley

Theo_icon

Friday Threesome

Friday Threesome

There’s nothing quite like a threesome on a Friday–am I right? We seem to think so. Feast your eyes on what he have for the day:

1: Ana Somnia

2:Weavesilk

and

3: Lose Yourself to Dance, by Daft Punk:

printablesheetAnd, for our not-so-secret fourth option, we have a printable monster card sheet. If you feel the urge to spread the monster, love the monster, or just hug the monster, we suggest that you print out a sheet and help spread the chaos! Muahahaha!

Click it! We dares you!

Theo_icon

Dracula Being Clever in the 21st Century

Jon Gave Dracula a Drinking Problem

quote_17

“I’ve got Dracula in a diner pouring blood from a flask into a glass of cranberry juice so nobody’ll notice. That’s pure literary genius.”

–J. Kruschack

With the onslaught of bad vampire books/movies, nobody seems to know how real vampires are supposed to act nowadays. Some people tend to be strange anyways . . . So (theoretically) Dracula could get away with this, because everyone would assume that he’s that guy who happens to be the closet alcoholic.

Yes, yes . . . I just quoted a member from Team Monster. Go ahead, sue me, flame me, blah de blue. Just don’t write any bad fan fiction. Please?

Theo_icon

3rd Issue Sneak Peak, Amongst Other Things

Newsbanner

3rd Issue Sneak Peak, Amongst Other Things

Screen Shot 2014-07-21 at 10.14.11 AM

We could pretend that it’s actually a sneak peek, and not just a reveal of the cover . . .

October 1st is fast approaching, and something wicked this way comes . . . the 3rd issue of The Enigmatic Monster is taking on a new look, something nitty, gritty, and decidedly graffiti! We’ve also made some slight size adjustments to the .pdf document to optimize viewing. Our Wordsmith is looking over our stories, wondering how we stay sane, at this very moment.

For those of you who passionately detest .pdf documents, do not worry, the entire issue will be available online for your viewing pleasure!

Some new developments have come around the corner as well. Team Monster is planning on doing another live reading! This time on a boat, in the middle of the night. We may possibly be pandering trinkets too (tiny little Theos to love and to hug, but never to feed–heaven forbid). Not in the SSM area? Never fear, we’ll be doing a recording as well.

Keep it monstrous!

Theo_icon

 

Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle

Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle

quote_16

Vampires, real vampires, didn’t nibble on the necks of nubile young virgins. They tore people to pieces and sucked the blood out of the chunks.

― David Wellington

Theo_icon

This Week on EMP

Newsbanner

This Week on EMP

As you all know, yesterday was Labour Day! And many of you would have gone to work that day, myself included. We were going to conclude The Red Raven yesterday, but with the amount of work this past week (and yesterday), that dream never came to fruition. So, we’re going to take a break from that story; tomorrow our normal post schedule will resume with Horror Quote Hump Day

In other news, the third issue of The Enigmatic Monster will be coming out October 1st. And we’re still alive and partially sane. Which is important, in case you were wondering.

Have an awesome rest of the week! Keep it monstrous!

Theo_icon

 

But Ideal Mankind . . .

But Ideal Mankind . . .

quote_15

Creation destroys as it goes, throws down one tree for the rise of another. But ideal mankind would abolish death, multiply itself million upon million, rear up city upon city, save every parasite alive, until the accumulation of mere existence is swollen to a horror.
–D. H. Lawrence

Something Else, But What?

Something Else, But What? | The Red Raven, Part 3

Joseph DeCorvi . . . 

Was how how the letter began. When Joseph had found it tucked neatly into his back pocket a month ago he had been surprised, to say the least. Upon reading it, it had left him in a cold sweat.

I have heard that you are the right man for this particular job, or rather, for a job of this calibre. 

At the time he had been staying at a little inn near the shores of Waridge, an island located right on the border between Cannard and Oursar. Waridge profited from the two countries in trade, tourism, and as an official border crossing (of which only two ferrying companies legally benefited from). Another thing the island profited from was numbers. Its population was comparable to that of Tarano, comprising of many cultural groups.

We sketched a map! Now you can see into the future! Wait . . .

We sketched a map! Now you can see into the future! Wait . . .

Continue reading

Hidden Away Like Guilty Secrets

 

Hidden Away Like Guilty Secrets

quote_14

Horror is like a serpent; always shedding its skin, always changing. And it will always come back. It can’t be hidden away like the guilty secrets we try to keep in our subconscious.

–Dario Argento

The Most Awful Word

The Most Awful Word

quote_12

Alone. Yes, that’s the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.

–Stephen King

Matters at Hand . . .

Matters at Hand . . .

quote_13

Even with the utterly lost, to whom life and death are equally jests, there are matters of which no jest can be made.

–Edgar Allan Poe

Only Then Do We Forgive . . .

Only Then Do We Forgive . . .

quote_11

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it.

–Lewis B. Smedes

Imagine No Imagination?

Imagine No Imagination?

quote_10

Where there is no imagination there is no horror.

–Arthur Conan Doyle

It’s all in your head*, or so you’ve been told. But don’t think too hard on it, that’ll only make things worse . . .

*How many times did they say that in the movie Chicken Run?

Exasperated Sigh

Exasperated Sigh

EMPodcast episode 16. Theo Monster is not impressed. But is he ever? The Jake human gets in trouble, birds sing, the sun shines . . . And all of those nice things . . .